Humorous Cross Stitch Patterns

Sassy Threads - Ugliness - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Cross Stitch Wonders
$7.00  $665
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UGLINESS CAN BE FIXED. STUPIDITY IS FOREVER. guarantees a dash of wit and humor in your stitching projects. Stitch the entire design including the notepad or stitch just the Sassy Threads saying.

Pattern is stitched on the fabric of your choice using DMC threads. Stitch count is 109... Read more
Sassy Threads - It's A Beautiful Day - Cross Stitch Patt
by Cross Stitch Wonders
$7.00  $665
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IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY TO LEAVE ME ALONE guarantees a dash of wit and humor in your stitching projects. Stitch the entire design including the notepad or stitch just the Sassy Threads saying.

Pattern is stitched on the fabric of your choice using DMC threads. Stitch count is 109 stitches... Read more
Sassy Threads - Be Happy - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Cross Stitch Wonders
$7.00  $665
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BE HAPPY IT DRIVES PEOPLE CRAZY guarantees a dash of wit and humor in your stitching projects. Stitch the entire design including the notepad or stitch just the Sassy Threads saying.

Pattern is stitched on the fabric of your choice using DMC threads. Stitch count is 109 stitches wide by 160... Read more
Floss Chicken - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Noteworthy Needle
$8.00  $719
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In the battle of Floss Chicken, sometimes you win. Sometimes you lose. An obvious loss on the final letter.

Pattern is stitched on 32 ct. raw linen with DMC floss. The stitch count is 98 x 66 and the finished size is 6.13" x 4.13".
Things I Learned Growing Up #2 - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Pickle Barrel Designs
$10.00  $899
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Cross stitch pattern from Pickle Barrel Designs featuring lessons learned while growing up. This pattern includes 2 sayings with the top heading included.

Pattern is stitched on 14 ct Aida using DMC threads. Stitch count is 225 x 51. Finished size is 16.07" x 3.64".
Things I Learned Growing Up #3 - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Pickle Barrel Designs
$10.00  $899
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Cross stitch pattern from Pickle Barrel Designs featuring lessons learned while growing up. This pattern includes 2 sayings with the top heading included.

Pattern is stitched on 14 ct Aida using DMC threads. DMC 3890 and 3891 not listed. Stitch count is 225 x 51. Finished size is 16.07" x 3.64".
Things I Learned Growing Up #1 - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Pickle Barrel Designs
$10.00  $899
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Cross stitch pattern from Pickle Barrel Designs featuring lessons learned while growing up. This pattern includes 2 sayings with the top heading included.

Pattern is stitched on 14 ct Aida using DMC threads. DMC 3890 and 3891 not listed. Stitch count is 225 x 99. Finished size is 16.07" x 6.86".
Sassy Threads - It's Okay - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Cross Stitch Wonders
$7.00  $665
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IT'S OKAY IF YOU DON'T LIKE ME. NOT EVERYONE HAS GOOD TASTE. guarantees a dash of wit and humor in your stitching projects. Stitch the entire design including the notepad or stitch just the Sassy Threads saying.

Pattern is stitched on the fabric of your choice using DMC threads.... Read more
Sassy Threads - I'm Not Weird - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Cross Stitch Wonders
$7.00  $665
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I'M NOT WEIRD I'M LIMITED EDITION guarantees a dash of wit and humor in your stitching projects. Stitch the entire design including the notepad or stitch just the Sassy Threads saying.

Pattern is stitched on the fabric of your choice using DMC threads. Stitch count is 109 stitches... Read more
Sassy Threads - Eye Rolling - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Cross Stitch Wonders
$7.00  $665
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EYE ROLLING IS MY CARDIO guarantees a dash of wit and humor in your stitching projects. Stitch the entire design including the notepad or stitch just the Sassy Threads saying.

Pattern is stitched on the fabric of your choice using DMC threads. Stitch count is 109 stitches wide by 160... Read more
Sassy Threads II - Sarcasm Level - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Cross Stitch Wonders
$7.00  $665
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SARCASM LEVEL EXPERT guarantees a dash of wit and humor in your stitching projects. Stitch the entire design including the notepad or stitch just the Sassy Threads saying.

Pattern is stitched on the fabric of your choice using DMC threads. Stitch count is 140 stitches wide by 99 stitches... Read more
Sassy Threads II - Looks Aren't Everything - Cross Stitc
by Cross Stitch Wonders
$7.00  $665
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LOOKS AREN'T EVERYTHING BUT I HAVE THEM JUST IN CASE guarantees a dash of wit and humor in your stitching projects. Stitch the entire design including the notepad or stitch just the Sassy Threads saying.

Pattern is stitched on the fabric of your choice using DMC threads. Stitch count is... Read more
Sassy Threads II - I'm Just A Person - Cross Stitch Patt
by Cross Stitch Wonders
$7.00  $665
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I'M JUST A PERSON STANDING IN FRONT OF A SALAD ASKING IT TO BE A DONUT guarantees a dash of wit and humor in your stitching projects. Stitch the entire design including the notepad or stitch just the Sassy Threads saying.

Pattern is stitched on the fabric of your choice using DMC... Read more
Sassy Threads II - I Eat Cake - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Cross Stitch Wonders
$7.00  $665
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I EAT CAKE BECAUSE IT'S SOMEBODY'S BIRTHDAY SOMEWHERE guarantees a dash of wit and humor in your stitching projects. Stitch the entire design including the notepad or stitch just the Sassy Threads saying.

Pattern is stitched on the fabric of your choice using DMC threads. Stitch... Read more
Sassy Threads II - I Don't Like - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Cross Stitch Wonders
$7.00  $665
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I DON'T LIKE MORNING PEOPLE. OR PEOPLE. OR MORNINGS. guarantees a dash of wit and humor in your stitching projects. Stitch the entire design including the notepad or stitch just the Sassy Threads saying.

Pattern is stitched on the fabric of your choice using DMC threads. Stitch count is... Read more
Sassy Threads II - Come To The Dark Side - Cross Stitch
by Cross Stitch Wonders
$7.00  $665
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COME TO THE DARK SIDE WE HAVE COOKIES guarantees a dash of wit and humor in your stitching projects. Stitch the entire design including the notepad or stitch just the Sassy Threads saying.

Pattern is stitched on the fabric of your choice using DMC threads. Stitch count is 140 stitches wide... Read more
Sassy Threads II - Be A Stiletto - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Cross Stitch Wonders
$7.00  $665
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BE A STILETTO IN A ROOM OF FLATS guarantees a dash of wit and humor in your stitching projects. Stitch the entire design including the notepad or stitch just the Sassy Threads saying.

Pattern is stitched on the fabric of your choice using DMC threads. Stitch count is 140 stitches wide by 99... Read more
Kitty Glitter - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Pickle Barrel Designs
$10.00  $899
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Cross stitch pattern from Pickle Barrel Designs featuring a purr-fect design for a cat lover, the words "It's not cat hair, it's kitty glitter".

Stitched on 14 ct. Lavender Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 85 x 99 and the finished size is 6.07" x 7.07".
Deja Poo - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Dirty Annie
$9.00  $854
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This cross stitch pattern from Dirty Annie's Southern Style says "Deja Poo - a feeling that one has see or heard this crap before."

The model was stitched over 2 threads on 32 Ct. Shadow linen from Picture This Plus with Weeks Dye Works floss. Stitch Count: 70x70. Finished size: 4.37" x 4.37".
5 stars out of 5
Coffee Drinker's Confession - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Heartstring Samplery
$10.00  $899
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"I don't have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without coffee."

Model stitched one thread over two on 40 Ct. Wren using Weeks Dye Works, Gentle Art Sampler Threads, and Classic Colorworks. Stitch Count: 150W x 70H. Finished Size: 8" x 4"
5 stars out of 5
My Stitching Time - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Waxing Moon Designs
$8.00  $719
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"My stitching time is sometimes for your sanity, remember that."

Model stitched over two on 32 Ct. Azure Blue Lugana using Weeks Dye Works. Stitch Count: 83W x 84H. Design Size: 5 1/8" x 5 1/4"
5 stars out of 5
Housework Never Killed Anyone - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Lizzie Kate
$6.00  $539
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Model stitched on 32ct. lambswool linen using Weeks Dye Works and Gentle Arts Sampler Threads. Stitch count: 109w x 45h.
5 stars out of 5
Drive a Stick - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Sue Hillis
$6.00  $539
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"Yes, I can drive a stick." Model stitched on 30 Ct. Lilac linen by Weeks Dye Works with Sullivan's floss. Stitch Count: 80H x 58W.
Welcome To Our Coop - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$1399
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a funny design with chickens and chicks that reads "Welcome to our coop, we're all cluckin crazy here".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 141 x 53 and the finished size is 10.1" x 3.8"
What Is A Teacher? - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$1399
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a funny design describing how great a teacher is with the description, "Teacher (n) Tee-Cher: A multi-tasking educational rockstar who lives to inspire and loves to encourage, they're kind of a big deal".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 167 x 140 and the finished size is 11.9" x 10"
New Shoes - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$1399
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a funny design with a high heel and the words "Cinderella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 139 x 135 and the finished size is 9.9" x 9.6".
Fall - Halloween Puns - Cross Stitch Pattern
by AuryTm
$20.00  $1799
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Fall means Halloween and Halloween is a must! This playful sampler blends classic styling with clever, humorous verses, giving traditional Halloween a fresh and fun twist.

The pattern stitched on 32 ct. Lugana with DMC and Gentle Arts floss. The stitch count is 140 x 138 with a finished size of 8.75" x 8.63".
Senility Prayer - Christian Cross Stitch Pattern
by Joan Elliott
$1399
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Pattern by Joan Elliot featuring the prayer "God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway. The good fortune to run into the ones I do. And the eyesight to know the difference".

Stitched on 14 count Aida using DMC floss. Stitch count: 101W x 129H and the finished size is 7" x 9".
5 stars out of 5
Straighten Your Crown - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Little Robin Designs
$8.00  $719
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This pattern from Little Robin Designs says "Keep your head high and your crown straight!"

Pattern is stitched on 40 count linen, using Weeks Dye Works thread. Stitch count is 144 x 65.
Real Men - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Dirty Annie
$9.00  $854
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Note from designer: That's right ya'll! Real men have curves! I don't know about you but I prefer my cowboy with a little meat on his bones!

Model was stitched on 32ct Witch Tina linen from Fairy Wool in the Wood. Stitch count is 51 x 60.
5 stars out of 5
Turnip the Beet - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Hands On Design
$10.00  Sale $799 Weekly Sale Item
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"Lettuce turnip the beet peas" Model stitched on either 32 Ct. White Belfast or 32 Ct. Chalkboard Black (DMC 08 not used on Chalkboard Black) using DMC floss. Stitch Count 80x80. Design Size: 5" x 5".
5 stars out of 5
Your Issues - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Sue Hillis
$10.00  $899
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Sue Hillis pattern with the saying "Please cancel my subscription to your issues!"

Model stitched on 32ct Toasted Coconut by Colour and Cotton or a warm neutral beige of you choice using DMC or Sullivans thread. Stitch count: 110w x 102h. Stitch on fabric of your choice.
5 stars out of 5
Christmas Pounds - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Waxing Moon Designs
$9.00  $809
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"When, what to my wondering eyes did appear but ten extra pounds on my thighs and my rear."

Model stitched over 2 on 28 Ct. Country French Latte using Gentle Art threads. Stitch Count: 96W x 145H. Design Size: 7" x 11"
4.5 stars out of 5
Warped Humor - Cross Stitch Pattern
by My Big Toe Designs
$799
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"I have a warped sense of humor and I'm not afraid to use it." Model stitched over 2 threads on 32 Ct. Antique White Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works floss. Stitch Count: 95W x 63H.
5 stars out of 5
More Than Coffee - Cross Stitch Pattern
by My Big Toe Designs
$999
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"I love you more than coffee, just not always before coffee." Model stitched over 2 threads on 28 Ct. Country French Latte linen with Weeks Dye Works floss. Stitch Count: 126W x 98H.
5 stars out of 5
Nothing to Fear - Cross Stitch Pattern
by My Big Toe Designs
$799
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"There's nothing to fear but fear itself..and spiders!" Model stitched over 2 threads on 28 Ct. Queen Anne's Lace Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works floss. Stitch Count: 68W x 68H. Shown with a button from Just Another Button Company
5 stars out of 5
Marriage - Cross Stitch Pattern
by My Big Toe Designs
$799
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"Marriage lets you annoy one special person every day for the rest of your life." Model stitched over 2 threads on 28 Ct. Queen Anne's Lace Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works floss. Stitch Count: 99W x 99H.
5 stars out of 5
Dog Crazy - Cross Stitch Pattern
by My Big Toe Designs
$799
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"Just one dog short of crazy" Model stitched over 2 threads on 28 Ct. Lambswool Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works floss (or DMC floss 165, 640, 838, 535, 312, 815, 3345, 3045). Stitch Count: 71W x 71H. Design Size: 5" x 5"
5 stars out of 5
Sarcasm is My Love Language - Cross Stitch Pattern
by My Big Toe Designs
$799
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Model stitched over 2 threads on 32 Ct. Queen Anne's Lace Jobelan with Classic Colorworks floss. Stitch Count: 67W x 67H. Finished size: 4" x 4".
5 stars out of 5
Stitching Each Day - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Waxing Moon Designs
$8.00  $719
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"Stitching each day keeps the crazy away!"

Model stitched over two on 30 Ct. Parchment Linen by Weeks Dye Works using Weeks Dye Works and Gentle Arts floss. Stitch Count: 85x108. Design Size: 6" x 8"
5 stars out of 5
Wouldn't Life Be Great - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Lizzie Kate
$9.00  $809
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"Wouldn't life be great if sweatpants were sexy, Mondays were fun, junk food was good for you, girls didn't cause so much drama, guys weren't so confusing, and saying goodbye only meant until tomorrow". Model stitched on 32 count Lambswool linen with Crescent Colours thread, Weeks Dye Works thread and DMC floss. Stitch count is 221W x 72H.
5 stars out of 5
Haunted Hill Road - Halloween Cross Stitch Pattern
by Little Stitch Girl
$1199
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Cross stitch pattern from Little Stitch Girl featuring a spooky Halloween scene with haunted houses, witch, skeleton, ghost, bats, and "Trick or Treat, Smell my Feet"!

Model stitched on 32 Count Linen "Colonial Parchment" with DMC, The Gentle Art, Classic Colorworks, and Weeks Dye Works thread. Stitch Count: 174W x 97H. Finished size 10.9" x 5.9"
5 stars out of 5
Don't Get Your Tinsel In A Tangle - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Lizzie Kate
$6.00  $539
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Model stitched over two threads on 28 count Mushroom Lugana with Weeks Dye Works and Gentle Arts Sampler Threads. Comes with 3 small red buttons. The stitch count is 70W x 70H.
5 stars out of 5
Early Bird - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Amy Bruecken Designs
$9.00  $809
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"The early bird can have the worm 'cause worms are gross and mornings are stupid!"

Framed model stitched over two threads on 28 Ct. Moonglow by Picture this Plus, using DMC floss & Classic Colorworks floss. Stitch count 70 x 121.

Pillow model stitched on 20 Ct. Banana... Read more
Resting Stitch Face - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Hands On Design
$6.00  $539
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Model stitched over 2 threads with 32 Ct. Angel Wing from Fabrics by Stephanie with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 61 x 65. Finished size: 3 3/4" x 3 3/4".
4.5 stars out of 5
Eat the Chocolate - Cross Stitch Pattern
by My Big Toe Designs
$799
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"4 out of 5 voices in my head say...eat the chocolate!" Variations included for "eat the cupcake", "eat the cookie", and "eat the snack."

Model stitched on 28 Ct. Ice Blue Lugana with Gentle Art Sampler Threads. Stitch Count: 69W x 67H. Finished size is 4.93 in wide X 4.79 in high.
5 stars out of 5
Dog Hair - Cross Stitch Pattern
by My Big Toe Designs
$799
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"Dog Hair....just another specialty fiber!" Model stitched on 28 Ct. Mushroom Lugana with Weeks Dye Works and DMC. Stitch Count: 77W x 59H. Buttons from Just Another Button Company sold separately.
5 stars out of 5
All About Me - Cross Stitch Pattern
by My Big Toe Designs
$7.99  Sale $639
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"It IS all about me!" Model stitched on 32 Ct. Antique White Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works floss and shown with buttons from Just Another Button Company. Stitch Count: 89W x 57H.


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