Humorous Cross Stitch Patterns

Floss Chicken - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Noteworthy Needle
$8.00  $719
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In the battle of Floss Chicken, sometimes you win. Sometimes you lose. An obvious loss on the final letter.

Pattern is stitched on 32 ct. raw linen with DMC floss. The stitch count is 98 x 66 and the finished size is 6.13" x 4.13".
In Case of Cross Stitch - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Lucy Beam Love in Stitches
$12.00  $1079
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Cross stitch pattern from Lucy Beam featuring a funny "In Case of Cross Stitch Break Glass" sign.

Pattern is stitched on 32 ct. Woodstove from Lapin Loops with Weeks Dye Works and DMC floss. The stitch count is 67 x 51 and the finished size is 4.19" x 3.19".
Kitty Glitter - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Pickle Barrel Designs
$10.00  $899
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Cross stitch pattern from Pickle Barrel Designs featuring a purr-fect design for a cat lover, the words "It's not cat hair, it's kitty glitter".

Stitched on 14 ct. Lavender Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 85 x 99 and the finished size is 6.07" x 7.07".
Lazy Snowman - Christmas Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$2325
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a relaxed snowman with his feet kicked up and the words "Let it snow".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 157 x 146 and the finished size is 11.2" x 10.4".
Senility Prayer - Christian Cross Stitch Pattern
by Joan Elliott
$1399
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Pattern by Joan Elliot featuring the prayer "God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway. The good fortune to run into the ones I do. And the eyesight to know the difference".

Stitched on 14 count Aida using DMC floss. Stitch count: 101W x 129H and the finished size is 7" x 9".
Fragile - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$1425
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a funny pattern with the words "Not fragile like a flower, Fragile like a bomb".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 96 x 157 and the finished size is 6.9" x 11.2".
Buttercup - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$2725
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a yellow flower border with the words "Suck It Up Buttercup" in script in the center.

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 209 x 153 and the finished size is 14.9" x 10.9".
Fall - Halloween Puns - Cross Stitch Pattern
by AuryTm
$20.00  $1799
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Fall means Halloween and Halloween is a must! This playful sampler blends classic styling with clever, humorous verses, giving traditional Halloween a fresh and fun twist.

The pattern stitched on 32 ct. Lugana with DMC and Gentle Arts floss. The stitch count is 140 x 138 with a finished size of 8.75" x 8.63".
Candy Corn - Halloween Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$1425
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring an angry looking candy corn with the words "Yeah, well I don't like you either".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 89 x 125 and the finished size is 6.4" x 8.9".
Climb A Cactus - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$1875
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a cactus with the words "Go Climb A Cactus".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 111 x 96 and the finished size is 7.9" x 6.9".
Did You Dye? - Easter Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$1875
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a funny Easter design that reads "But did you dye?" with eggs.

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 128 x 132 and the finished size is 9.1" x 9.4".
Housework Never Killed Anyone - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Lizzie Kate
$6.00  $539
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Model stitched on 32ct. lambswool linen using Weeks Dye Works and Gentle Arts Sampler Threads. Stitch count: 109w x 45h.
Coffee Drinker's Confession - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Heartstring Samplery
$10.00  $899
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"I don't have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without coffee."

Model stitched one thread over two on 40 Ct. Wren using Weeks Dye Works, Gentle Art Sampler Threads, and Classic Colorworks. Stitch Count: 150W x 70H. Finished Size: 8" x 4"
Straighten Your Crown - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Little Robin Designs
$8.00  $719
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This pattern from Little Robin Designs says "Keep your head high and your crown straight!"

Pattern is stitched on 40 count linen, using Weeks Dye Works thread. Stitch count is 144 x 65.
Wine a Bit - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Lizzie Kate
$5.00  $449
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"Wine a bit... you'll feel better!" Model stitched over 2 on 30 count Natural Northern Cross Linen with Weeks Dye Works, Crescent Colours, And Gentle Arts Sampler Threads. Stitch count: 32W x 62H.
Cross Stitching Forever - Cross Stitch Pattern
by New York Dreamer
$12.00  $1079
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This design from New York Dreamer says "Cross Stitching Forever, Housework Whenever!"

The model was stitched over 2 threads on 32 Ct. Milk & Honey by Fiber on a Whim with Weeks Dye Works, Classic Colourworks, Gentle Art Sampler threads and DMC floss. Stitch Count: 140x140. NOTE: design is shown on a custom bobbin frame which is not included.
We're Not Gossiping - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Lizzie Kate
$10.00  $899
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Pattern from Lizzie Kate that says "We're not gossiping, we're networking!" Stitched on 27ct Cream Northern Cross linen with Gentle Arts, Weeks Dye Works, and DMC threads. DMC and Anchor conversions for hand-dyed threads provided. Teal button included. Stitch count: 44w x 101h.
Shed Happens - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Dirty Annie
$9.00  $854
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Note from designer: Yep I said it! Shed Happens! It's a good think I got good photos of this before my little cat chewed off the bow and ripped up the linen! Funny she picked the Dog one out of all of them sitting there waiting to get photographed. I have included a photo of the little... Read more
All Are Equal in Death - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Modern Folk Embroidery
$10.50  $996
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Cross stitch pattern from Modern Folkart Embroidery featuring a skeleton and the phrase "Are all equal in death".

Stitched over 2 threads on 32 count linen (or over 1 on 16ct Aida) it would measure approximately 8" by 12" (20.5 by 30.5 cm). It has a total of 6368 crosses.... Read more
More Than Coffee - Cross Stitch Pattern
by My Big Toe Designs
$999
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"I love you more than coffee, just not always before coffee." Model stitched over 2 threads on 28 Ct. Country French Latte linen with Weeks Dye Works floss. Stitch Count: 126W x 98H.
Early Bird - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Amy Bruecken Designs
$9.00  $809
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"The early bird can have the worm 'cause worms are gross and mornings are stupid!"

Framed model stitched over two threads on 28 Ct. Moonglow by Picture this Plus, using DMC floss & Classic Colorworks floss. Stitch count 70 x 121.

Pillow model stitched on 20 Ct. Banana... Read more
Stitching Each Day - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Waxing Moon Designs
$8.00  $719
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"Stitching each day keeps the crazy away!"

Model stitched over two on 30 Ct. Parchment Linen by Weeks Dye Works using Weeks Dye Works and Gentle Arts floss. Stitch Count: 85x108. Design Size: 6" x 8"
Choose Your Own Motto Sampler - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Heartstring Samplery
$12.00  $1079
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"All I'm saying is that you've never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time."

Model stitched one over two on 40 Ct. Cocoa using Weeks Dye Works, Gentle Art Sampler Threads, and Classic Colorworks. Stitch Count: 205W x 171H. Finished Size: 11" x 9"
Drive a Stick - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Sue Hillis
$6.00  $539
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"Yes, I can drive a stick." Model stitched on 30 Ct. Lilac linen by Weeks Dye Works with Sullivan's floss. Stitch Count: 80H x 58W.
Country Wise (Book 130) - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Prairie Schooler
$8.00  $719
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Pattern by Prairie Schooler featuring four fun decisions with cute sayings including, "Keep it Simple,", "Measure Twice, Cut Once", "Plan Ahead" and "The Witch is In".

Models stitched over two threads on 32 count linen using DMC thread. Stitch counts and... Read more
Dog Hair - Cross Stitch Pattern
by My Big Toe Designs
$7.99  Sale $639
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"Dog Hair....just another specialty fiber!" Model stitched on 28 Ct. Mushroom Lugana with Weeks Dye Works and DMC. Stitch Count: 77W x 59H. Buttons from Just Another Button Company sold separately.
Beach Please - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$2325
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring the words "Beach Please" on a background of ocean waves with a palm tree and rising sun.

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 111 x 181 and the finished size is 7.9" x 12.9".
Boo Bees - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$2325
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring two bumblebees dressed up like ghosts with the words "Boo Bees".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 159 x 148 and the finished size is 11.4" x 10.6".
Book Is Better - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$1875
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring books on a shelf and the saying "The Book is Always Better".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 111 x 97 and the finished size is 7.9" x 6.9".
Buying Supplies - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$1875
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring the funny phrase "As I get Older, I'm finding out that buying supplies and using them are two seperate hobbies" with sewing notions.

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 160 x 150 and the finished size is 11.4" x 10.7".
Canning Season - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$2325
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a funny pattern with a ball mason jar and the words "Grab your balls, it's canning season".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 140 x 182 and the finished size is 10" x 13".
Cats Make Me Happy - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$2325
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a black cat in front of a colorful background with the words "Cats make me happy, humans make my head hurt".

Model stitched on 14 count black Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 143 x 190 and the finished size is 10.2" x 13.6".
Chickens Crossing Roads - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$2325
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a chicken with the funny words "I dream of a world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 149 x 208 and the finished size is 10.6" x 14.9".
Crops Out - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$1875
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a row of plant crops with the words "Rock Out With Your Crops Out".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 167 x 78 and the finished size is 11.9" x 5.6".
Define Naughty - Christmas Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$1875
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a funny Christmas pattern that reads " Dear Santa, Define Naughty".

Model stitched on 14 count black Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 107 x 74 and the finished size is 7.6" x 5.3".
Dill With It - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$2325
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a funny design with a pickle and the words "Dill With It".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 141 x 200 and the finished size is 10.1" x 14.3".
Dog Approved - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$2325
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a funny design with paw prints and dog bones and the words "All guests must be approved by the dog".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 167 x 169 and the finished size is 11.9" x 12.1".
Easily Distracted - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$1875
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a funny design with house plants and the words "Easily Distracted By Plants".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 139 x 127 and the finished size is 9.9" x 9.1".
Fall Apart - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$2325
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a taco with the funny words "Every now and then I fall apart".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 115 x 171 and the finished size is 8.2" x 12.2".
Fall Is - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$1425
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a pumpkin with the words "Fall is my second favorite F word".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 102 x 119 and the finished size is 7.3" x 8.5".
Get Naked - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$1425
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a funny design for your home that reads "Get Naked, just kidding. This is a half bath. Don't make it weird".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 106 x 130 and the finished size is 7.6" x 9.3".
Go Elf - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$2325
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a funny design with a Christmas elf that reads "Go -elf- Yourself".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 138 x 150 and the finished size is 9.9" x 10.7".
Good Moms - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$1875
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a funny design with a hand mixer and the words "Good moms let you lick the beaters. Great moms turn them off first".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 131 x 123 and the finished size is 9.4" x 8.8".
Hizzle - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$2325
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a funny design with a house and the words "Bless This Hizzle, fo'Shizzle".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 138 x 155 and the finished size is 9.9" x 11.1".
Home Is - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$1875
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a sweet looking home with a the words "Home is where those F****** Ain't".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 159 x 128 and the finished size is 11.4" x 9.1".
Honey Maker - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$1875
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a funny design of bumblebees with the words "Shake Your Honey Maker".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 159 x 136 and the finished size is 11.4" x 9.7".
Hot Mess - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$1875
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a funny sign that reads, "I'm not a hot mess, I am a spicy disaster".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 110 x 100 and the finished size is 7.9" x 7.1".
Lake Life - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$2325
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a funny design with the words "Lake Life, 'cuz beaches be salty".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 158 x 160 and the finished size is 11.3" x 11.4".


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