Humorous Cross Stitch Patterns

Cross-stitch pattern by Lucy Beam featuring the words "Due to personal reasons, I'm going to cross stitch past my bedtime".

Pattern is stitched on 40 ct. Crypt Cloth from Lapin Loops with Gentle Arts floss. The stitch count is 81 x 81 and the finished size is 4.05" x 4.05".

Truer works were never spoken, am I right!? I thought this sentiment was perfect for the fall themed collection! You could easily omit the ghosts for a more year round finished piece if you prefer.

Stitched on 36 ct. linen with DMC floss. The stitch count is 205 x 132 and the finished size is 11.39" x 7.33".

Cross stitch pattern from Crafty Bluebonnet Designs featuring a funny Halloween themed pattern that reads "Just here for the candy".

Pattern stitched on 28 count Pearl Grey Cashel linen with DMC floss. The stitch count is 47 x 46 and the finished size is 3.36" x 3.29".

I have been wanting to do this pattern for years, I finally made it! I haven't been this proud of a pattern in a long time.

Pattern is stitched on 14 count Aida using DMC floss. Stitch count is 171 x 171. Finished size is 12.21" x 12.21".

"Wouldn't life be great if sweatpants were sexy, Mondays were fun, junk food was good for you, girls didn't cause so much drama, guys weren't so confusing, and saying goodbye only meant until tomorrow". Model stitched on 32 count Lambswool linen with Crescent Colours thread, Weeks Dye Works thread and DMC floss. Stitch count is 221W x 72H.

"I don't have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without coffee."

Model stitched one thread over two on 40 Ct. Wren using Weeks Dye Works, Gentle Art Sampler Threads, and Classic Colorworks. Stitch Count: 150W x 70H. Finished Size: 8" x 4"

Model stitched over two threads on 28 count Mushroom Lugana with Weeks Dye Works and Gentle Arts Sampler Threads. Comes with 3 small red buttons. The stitch count is 70W x 70H.

Cross Stitch pattern from Silver Creek Samplers featuring a punny Halloween-themed design with a witch-owned beauty parlor.

Stitched on 18-count Aida with Valdani Cotton floss with full DMC conversion. Stitch count is 69 x 66. Finished size is 3 7/8" x 3 3/4".

What SamBrie Stitches release would be complete without a Bigfoot chart Bigfoot has become such a fun part of my designing journey!

Model is stitched on 18 ct. Under The Sea by Grace Notes Fabrics with DMC and BeStitchMe floss. The stitch count is 131 x 70 and the finished size is 7.28" x 3.89".

Also requires Black Walnut by BeStitchMe.

Feeeeed me Seymour!

Pattern is stitched on 14 ct Aida of your choice using DMC floss. Stitch count is 86w by 128h. Finished size is 6.14" x 9.14".

This fun cross stitch pattern from My Big Toe Designs features the saying, "We all cross our X's one leg at a time" with cute cross stitch motifs.

Pattern is stitched on 32 ct. Ivory Jobelan using Weeks Dye Works floss. Stitch count is 95w x 63. Finished size is 5.94" x 3.94".

Once again the dark souls take over "Live, Laugh, Love" with another macabre iteration of the beige phrase. Lobotomies for all of us!

Pattern is stitched on 14 count Aida using DMC floss. Stitch count is 133 x 105. Finished size is 8.07" x 7.50".

A playful welcome from the household's most dedicated attendant. This design captures that familiar moment when a curious cat insists on supervising every bathroom visit, peeking around the door with wide?eyed commitment. Stitched in warm, cozy tones with a touch of humor, it's perfect for... Read more about Bathroom Concierge Kitty Cat - Cross Stitch Pattern

UGLINESS CAN BE FIXED. STUPIDITY IS FOREVER. guarantees a dash of wit and humor in your stitching projects. Stitch the entire design including the notepad or stitch just the Sassy Threads saying.

Pattern is stitched on the fabric of your choice using DMC threads. Stitch count is 109... Read more about Sassy Threads - Ugliness - Cross Stitch Pattern

I'M NOT WEIRD I'M LIMITED EDITION guarantees a dash of wit and humor in your stitching projects. Stitch the entire design including the notepad or stitch just the Sassy Threads saying.

Pattern is stitched on the fabric of your choice using DMC threads. Stitch count is 109 stitches... Read more about Sassy Threads - I'm Not Weird - Cross Stitch Pattern

HOLD ON LET ME OVER THINK THIS guarantees a dash of wit and humor in your stitching projects. Stitch the entire design including the notepad or stitch just the Sassy Threads saying.

Pattern is stitched on the fabric of your choice using DMC threads. Stitch count is 109 stitches wide by 160... Read more about Sassy Threads - Hold On - Cross Stitch Pattern

BORN TO ARGUE guarantees a dash of wit and humor in your stitching projects. Stitch the entire design including the notepad or stitch just the Sassy Threads saying.

Pattern is stitched on the fabric of your choice using DMC threads. Stitch count is 109 stitches wide by 160 stitches high.... Read more about Sassy Threads Born To Argue - Cross Stitch Pattern

COME TO THE DARK SIDE WE HAVE COOKIES guarantees a dash of wit and humor in your stitching projects. Stitch the entire design including the notepad or stitch just the Sassy Threads saying.

Pattern is stitched on the fabric of your choice using DMC threads. Stitch count is 140 stitches wide... Read more about Sassy Threads II - Come To The Dark Side - Cross Stitch

Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a spooky fun Halloween design with the words "No Trespassing, We're tired of hiding the bodies".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 182 x 58 and the finished size is 13" x 4.1".

Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a funny pattern that reads "Prone to Shenanigans and Malarkey".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 140 x 86 and the finished size is 10" x 6.1".

Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a funny design that reads "If Zombies chase us, I'm tripping you. (nothing personal)."

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 111 x 76 and the finished size is 7.9" x 5.4"

Cross stitch pattern from Val's Stuff featuring a frog with the Valentine's Day sentiment "love you warts n' all."

Stitched on 36 count Cherry Vanilla by Weeks Dye Works. Stitch Count: 61w x 37h Finished size is 3.39 in wide X 2.06 in high.

Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a funny pattern with a ball mason jar and the words "Grab your balls, it's canning season".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 140 x 182 and the finished size is 10" x 13".

Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a funny Christmas pattern that reads " Dear Santa, Define Naughty".

Model stitched on 14 count black Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 107 x 74 and the finished size is 7.6" x 5.3".

This pattern from Little Robin Designs says "Keep your head high and your crown straight!"

Pattern is stitched on 40 count linen, using Weeks Dye Works thread. Stitch count is 144 x 65.

Model stitched over 2 threads with 32 Ct. Angel Wing from Fabrics by Stephanie with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 61 x 65. Finished size: 3 3/4" x 3 3/4".

Sue Hillis pattern with the saying "Please cancel my subscription to your issues!"

Model stitched on 32ct Toasted Coconut by Colour and Cotton or a warm neutral beige of you choice using DMC or Sullivans thread. Stitch count: 110w x 102h. Stitch on fabric of your choice.

This cross stitch pattern from Dirty Annie's Southern Style says "Deja Poo - a feeling that one has see or heard this crap before."

The model was stitched over 2 threads on 32 Ct. Shadow linen from Picture This Plus with Weeks Dye Works floss. Stitch Count: 70x70. Finished size: 4.37" x 4.37".

Note from designer: Yep I said it! Shed Happens! It's a good think I got good photos of this before my little cat chewed off the bow and ripped up the linen! Funny she picked the Dog one out of all of them sitting there waiting to get photographed. I have included a photo of the little... Read more about Shed Happens - Cross Stitch Pattern

"My stitching time is sometimes for your sanity, remember that."

Model stitched over two on 32 Ct. Azure Blue Lugana using Weeks Dye Works. Stitch Count: 83W x 84H. Design Size: 5 1/8" x 5 1/4"

"If at first you don't succeed do what your wife said!" Model stitched over two threads on 32 count Lambswool linen with Weeks Dye Works thread, and Gentle Arts Sampler Threads. Stitch count is 127W x 33H.

"Wine a bit... you'll feel better!" Model stitched over 2 on 30 count Natural Northern Cross Linen with Weeks Dye Works, Crescent Colours, And Gentle Arts Sampler Threads. Stitch count: 32W x 62H.

"Our family tree has deep roots and lots of nuts." Model was stitched on 32 Ct. Lambswool Jobelan from Wichelt using Weeks Dye Works threads. Stitch count: 85W x 53H.

"Lettuce turnip the beet peas" Model stitched on either 32 Ct. White Belfast or 32 Ct. Chalkboard Black (DMC 08 not used on Chalkboard Black) using DMC floss. Stitch Count 80x80. Design Size: 5" x 5".

This piece is for all of my fellow knitters out there! Again, truer words were never spoken and I've been known to be haunted by a few skeins of yarn that got away! You can omit the ghosts if you'd prefer to have a finished piece that is less seasonal.

Stitched on 38 count Druid... Read more about Yarn You Didn't Buy - Cross Stitch Pattern

Pattern by Joan Elliot featuring the prayer "God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway. The good fortune to run into the ones I do. And the eyesight to know the difference".

Stitched on 14 count Aida using DMC floss. Stitch count: 101W x 129H and the finished size is 7" x 9".

Are you feeling your age??? After 40 it's Patch, Patch, Patch! A whimsical celebrtion of the joys of reaching "matu-rut-y". Stitch Count 51w X 75h. Finished size on 10-count 5" X 7". Model stitched on 10 Count Cream Tula.

Cross stitch pattern from Lucy Beam featuring a funny "In Case of Cross Stitch Break Glass" sign.

Pattern is stitched on 32 ct. Woodstove from Lapin Loops with Weeks Dye Works and DMC floss. The stitch count is 67 x 51 and the finished size is 4.19" x 3.19".

"When, what to my wondering eyes did appear but ten extra pounds on my thighs and my rear."

Model stitched over 2 on 28 Ct. Country French Latte using Gentle Art threads. Stitch Count: 96W x 145H. Design Size: 7" x 11"

"Stitching each day keeps the crazy away!"

Model stitched over two on 30 Ct. Parchment Linen by Weeks Dye Works using Weeks Dye Works and Gentle Arts floss. Stitch Count: 85x108. Design Size: 6" x 8"

"All I'm saying is that you've never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time."

Model stitched one over two on 40 Ct. Cocoa using Weeks Dye Works, Gentle Art Sampler Threads, and Classic Colorworks. Stitch Count: 205W x 171H. Finished Size: 11" x 9"

Cross stitch pattern from Val's Stuff featuring a frog, cup of coffee, and the pun "catfeinated".

Stitched on 27 Count Vintage Country Mocha Linda. Stitch Count: 53w x 80h Finished size is 3.93 in wide X 5.93 in high

A humorous winter-themed design featuring a playful driving quote and whimsical stitched artwork. Perfect for adding a lighthearted touch to your seasonal stitching collection or gifting to someone who dreams of warmer weather.

Pattern is stitched on 14ct White Aida using DMC floss. Stitch count is 98w x 138h. Finished size is 7" x 9.9".

Cross stitch pattern from Romy's Creations featuring a crab at the beach with the phrase "Beach please"!

Model is stitched on linen of your choice using Romy's Creations with DMC conversion. Stitch count is 60 X 59. Finished size 3.75 in wide X 3.69 in high.

Cross stitch pattern from Romy's Creations featuring the phrase "Life Is Better At The Beach"!

Model is stitched on linen of your choice using Romy's Creation floss with DMC conversion. Stitch count is 60 X 57. Finished size is 3.75 in wide X 3.56 in high.

SORRY! I DON'T TAKE ORDERS I BARELY TAKE SUGGESTIONS guarantees a dash of wit and humor in your stitching projects. Stitch the entire design including the notepad or stitch just the Sassy Threads saying.

Pattern is stitched on the fabric of your choice using DMC threads. Stitch count is... Read more about Sassy Threads - Sorry - Cross Stitch Pattern

IT'S OKAY IF YOU DON'T LIKE ME. NOT EVERYONE HAS GOOD TASTE. guarantees a dash of wit and humor in your stitching projects. Stitch the entire design including the notepad or stitch just the Sassy Threads saying.

Pattern is stitched on the fabric of your choice using DMC threads.... Read more about Sassy Threads - It's Okay - Cross Stitch Pattern

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY TO LEAVE ME ALONE guarantees a dash of wit and humor in your stitching projects. Stitch the entire design including the notepad or stitch just the Sassy Threads saying.

Pattern is stitched on the fabric of your choice using DMC threads. Stitch count is 109 stitches... Read more about Sassy Threads - It's A Beautiful Day - Cross Stitch