Funny Cross Stitch Patterns

I have been wanting to do this pattern for years, I finally made it! I haven't been this proud of a pattern in a long time.

Pattern is stitched on 14 count Aida using DMC floss. Stitch count is 171 x 171. Finished size is 12.21" x 12.21".

"Wouldn't life be great if sweatpants were sexy, Mondays were fun, junk food was good for you, girls didn't cause so much drama, guys weren't so confusing, and saying goodbye only meant until tomorrow". Model stitched on 32 count Lambswool linen with Crescent Colours thread, Weeks Dye Works thread and DMC floss. Stitch count is 221W x 72H.

Model stitched on 18 ct. Aida "Hazelwood" by Fiber on a Whim using DMC thread. Stitch count is 78 x 125.

Pattern by Shakespeare's Peddler featuring a beautiful sampler design inspired by an old painting with lots of personality.

Pattern is stitched on 40 ct. Natural linen with DMC floss. The stitch count is 152 x 94 and the finished size is 7.8" x 4.7".

A playful welcome from the household's most dedicated attendant. This design captures that familiar moment when a curious cat insists on supervising every bathroom visit, peeking around the door with wide?eyed commitment. Stitched in warm, cozy tones with a touch of humor, it's perfect for... Read more about Bathroom Concierge Kitty Cat - Cross Stitch Pattern

The model stitched on 32 ct Grey from Weeks Dye Works. Stitch count is 46w X 75h. Finished size is 2.88" x 4.69".

"I don't have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without coffee."

Model stitched one thread over two on 40 Ct. Wren using Weeks Dye Works, Gentle Art Sampler Threads, and Classic Colorworks. Stitch Count: 150W x 70H. Finished Size: 8" x 4"

A snowman and his penguin friend warm themselves on a cold Winter night!

Model stitched on 28 Ct. Antique Blue Jobelan with Gentle Art Sampler Threads. Stitch Count: 86H x 85W. Design Size: 7" x 7"

This fun cross stitch pattern from My Big Toe Designs features the saying, "We all cross our X's one leg at a time" with cute cross stitch motifs.

Pattern is stitched on 32 ct. Ivory Jobelan using Weeks Dye Works floss. Stitch count is 95w x 63. Finished size is 5.94" x 3.94".

Once again the dark souls take over "Live, Laugh, Love" with another macabre iteration of the beige phrase. Lobotomies for all of us!

Pattern is stitched on 14 count Aida using DMC floss. Stitch count is 133 x 105. Finished size is 8.07" x 7.50".

Cross stitch pattern from Val's Stuff featuring a frog, cup of coffee, and the pun "catfeinated".

Stitched on 27 Count Vintage Country Mocha Linda. Stitch Count: 53w x 80h Finished size is 3.93 in wide X 5.93 in high

This little dill is actually ya really big dill! The chart was conceived of during the wee hours of a cross stitch retreat when my tablemates and I were a bit punch drunk from Stitching for 2 days!

The little beads are included with the chart! (50 of each color plus a few extra)

... Read more about Big Dill - Cross Stitch Pattern

"There's nothing to fear but fear itself..and spiders!" Model stitched over 2 threads on 28 Ct. Queen Anne's Lace Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works floss. Stitch Count: 68W x 68H. Shown with a button from Just Another Button Company

"Marriage lets you annoy one special person every day for the rest of your life." Model stitched over 2 threads on 28 Ct. Queen Anne's Lace Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works floss. Stitch Count: 99W x 99H.

Model stitched on 32ct. lambswool linen using Weeks Dye Works and Gentle Arts Sampler Threads. Stitch count: 109w x 45h.

Hen Party by Little House Needleworks features a cute farm scene with chickens roaming around in front of a house and red barn.

Model stitched on 28 ct. linen using DMC & Crescent Colours floss. The stitch count is 82 x 54 and the finished size is 5.86" x 3.86".

Uses Mill Hill Glass Seed Beads and a Tiny Tuscan Sun Swirly Bud by Just Another Button Company.

"The line is very faint between hobby and mental illness." Model stitched on 28 Ct. Ivory Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works floss and Just Another Button Company buttons (4483S, 1171S, 3361, 3369M, 3387). Stitch Count: 48W x 83H.

Cross stitch pattern from Romy's Creations featuring the phrase "Life Is Better At The Beach"!

Model is stitched on linen of your choice using Romy's Creation floss with DMC conversion. Stitch count is 60 X 57. Finished size is 3.75 in wide X 3.56 in high.

Just The Tip...I promise...

Pattern is stitched on 14 ct Aida of your choice using DMC floss. Stitch count is 62 x 62. Finished size is 4.43" x 4.43".

Feeeeed me Seymour!

Pattern is stitched on 14 ct Aida of your choice using DMC floss. Stitch count is 86w by 128h. Finished size is 6.14" x 9.14".

Cross stitch pattern from Pickle Barrel Designs featuring a purr-fect design for a cat lover, the words "It's not cat hair, it's kitty glitter".

Stitched on 14 ct. Lavender Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 85 x 99 and the finished size is 6.07" x 7.07".

Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring an angry looking candy corn with the words "Yeah, well I don't like you either".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 89 x 125 and the finished size is 6.4" x 8.9".

Model inspired by our lovely White Cat Sugar Boy'. Figures are belonging to his daily routine. Cat owners can divert the white color to their bellowed one's colors

Pattern is stitched on 28 ct. Zweigart Cashel Linen Evenweave with DMC floss. Stitch count is 80 x 92 and the finished size is 5.72" x 6.57".

Boy, is this a true statement.... and my body definitely isn't pleased, though I'm thankful for every day!

Pattern is stitched on 14 ct Aida using DMC threads. Stitch count is 83 x 93.

Probably everyone who has multiple animals does this - I know I surely do. And, I ask the dog where the cats are.

Pattern is stitched on 14 ct Aida using DMC threads. Stitch count is 105w x 74h.

Well, I only have one dog - but I do ask him where the cats are. Most anyone with multiple animals is 'guilty' of this.

Pattern is stitched on 14 ct Aida using DMC threads. Stitch count is 105w x 71h.

Well, that would be me for sure!

Pattern is stitched on 14 ct Aida using DMC threads. Stitch count is 107w x 92h.

Pretty much says it all -

Pattern is stitched on 14 ct Aida using DMC threads. Stitch count is 93w x 94h.

Cross stitch pattern from Vals Stuff featuring a large cat determined to sit in a small box because "If I fits, I sits"!

Pattern is stitched on 28 ct Demoiselle Lugana using Weeks Dye Works threads. Heart button included. Stitch count is 66h x 57w.

Note: There is no DMC conversion listed for Weeks Dye Works Islamorada.

Meet the final installment of my seasonal pillow puns, Winter Puns! Embrace the magic of winter (or daydreaming for tropical weather) by stitching these adorable snowmen. "Go with the snow" "License to chill"

Stitched on 32ct Raw Natural Linen by Zweigart using Weeks Dye Works and DMC floss. Stitch count is 60W x 60H each.

Well, I don't know about you, but if you're old, you were probably young and stupid at one time - I sure was. But.... now I'm wise! "The reason I'm old and wise is that God protected me when I was young and stupid"!

Pattern is stitched on the fabric of your choice using DMC threads. Stitch count is 89 x 89.

I must admit, I have to remind myself of that pretty often - because, without a plan, I'm sorta stuck. "Note to self, do not sit on the floor without a plan on how to get up"!

Pattern is stitched on the fabric of your choice using DMC threads. Stitch count is 98 x 115.

And, the older I get, the less I get done in a day. "Some days it takes me all day to get nothing done"! Pattern is stitched on 14 ct Aida using DMC threads. Stitch count is 102 x 79.

Cross stitch pattern from Pickle Barrel Designs featuring the silly phrases "You grow girl", "Gardening is dirt cheap", "Crazy plant lady" and "Sometimes I wet my plants"!

Pattern is stitched on 14 ct Lemon Chiffon Aida using DMC floss. Stitch counts are 53... Read more about Green Thumb 4-Pack - Cross Stitch Pattern

Cross Stitch pattern from Imaginating featuring the phrase "When life shuts a door, open it again, it's a door. That's how it works"!

Pattern is stitched on 14 ct Black Aida using DMC threads. Stitch count is 100w x 128h.

Don't drop your nuts!

Stitched on 32ct "Medusa's Gaze" by Lapin Loops using threads from Classic Colorworks, DMC, Gentle Art, Threadworx, and Weeks Dye Works. Stitch count is 139 x 99.

Cross stitch pattern from The Artsy Housewife featuring a cheeky cat showing the flower plant who's boss!

Pattern is stitched on 32 Dirty Linen by Zweigart. Stitch count is 129 x 109.

Cross Stitch pattern from Lucy Beam Love in Stitches featuring the phrase "Pray for me. I'm bitter"!

The model was stitched on 36ct. Tiramisu Opal from Under The Sea; we do not carry, using Gentle Art threads listed. Stitch count is 88 x 96.

This pattern from Little Robin Designs says "Keep your head high and your crown straight!"

Pattern is stitched on 40 count linen, using Weeks Dye Works thread. Stitch count is 144 x 65.

Cross stitch pattern from Silver Creek Samplers featuring the sentiment "Follow your heart but take your stitching with you"!

Model stitched on 18ct Aida using a mixture of DMC and Weeks Dye Works thread. Stitch count is 80w x 80h and the finished size is 4.44" x 4.44".

Cross stitch pattern from Silver Creek Samplers featuring an adorable sheep wearing a hand-stitched red sweater with the text "Wool Ewe Be My Neighbor."

Model stitched on "Cornflower" 18-count Aida from Fiber on a Whim using DMC and Weeks Dye Works threads. Stitch count is 67 x 113.

Model stitched over 2 threads with 32 Ct. Angel Wing from Fabrics by Stephanie with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 61 x 65. Finished size: 3 3/4" x 3 3/4".

This cross stitch pattern from Dirty Annie's Southern Style says "Deja Poo - a feeling that one has see or heard this crap before."

The model was stitched over 2 threads on 32 Ct. Shadow linen from Picture This Plus with Weeks Dye Works floss. Stitch Count: 70x70. Finished size: 4.37" x 4.37".

Cross stitch pattern from Dirty Annie's Southern Style featuring the phrase "Happy Thanksgiving, Get your fat pants ready"!

Model was stitched on 32ct "Winter Moon" linen from Zweigart and trimmed with "Chickie" poms from Lady Dot. Stitch count is 104 x 145.

Note from designer: My husband was pleased as punch when I designed this chart in his honor and mark my words, Your cowboy will be just as tickled when you stitch this up for him!

Model was stitched on 32ct linen. Stitch count is 63 x 63.

Cross stitch pattern from Cross Stitch Wonders featuring a great saying for any crocheting enthusiast! I Just Want To Drink Cocktails / Coffee / Beer / Wine / Tea ....Crotchet and Take Naps! Included in chart are five beverages and also five color combinations for you to choose from. Licensed... Read more about I Just Want To Drink, Crochet, and Nap - Cross Stitch

Cross stitch pattern from Cross Stitch Wonders featuring MR. BEER GNOME that is great whether stitched by itself or along with the funny saying. Marcia Manning designed this from licensed artwork.

Pattern is stitched on the fabric of your choice using DMC floss. Stitch count is 128w x 115h.

"Lettuce turnip the beet peas" Model stitched on either 32 Ct. White Belfast or 32 Ct. Chalkboard Black (DMC 08 not used on Chalkboard Black) using DMC floss. Stitch Count 80x80. Design Size: 5" x 5".