Funny Cross Stitch Patterns Page 3

I EAT CAKE BECAUSE IT'S SOMEBODY'S BIRTHDAY SOMEWHERE guarantees a dash of wit and humor in your stitching projects. Stitch the entire design including the notepad or stitch just the Sassy Threads saying.

Pattern is stitched on the fabric of your choice using DMC threads. Stitch... Read more about Sassy Threads II - I Eat Cake - Cross Stitch Pattern

I DON'T LIKE MORNING PEOPLE. OR PEOPLE. OR MORNINGS. guarantees a dash of wit and humor in your stitching projects. Stitch the entire design including the notepad or stitch just the Sassy Threads saying.

Pattern is stitched on the fabric of your choice using DMC threads. Stitch count is... Read more about Sassy Threads II - I Don't Like - Cross Stitch Pattern

BUTT FIRST COFFEE guarantees a dash of wit and humor in your stitching projects. Stitch the entire design including the notepad or stitch just the Sassy Threads saying.

Pattern is stitched on the fabric of your choice using DMC threads. Stitch count is 140 stitches wide by 99 stitches high.... Read more about Sassy Threads II - Butt First Coffee - Cross Stitch Pattern

BE A STILETTO IN A ROOM OF FLATS guarantees a dash of wit and humor in your stitching projects. Stitch the entire design including the notepad or stitch just the Sassy Threads saying.

Pattern is stitched on the fabric of your choice using DMC threads. Stitch count is 140 stitches wide by 99... Read more about Sassy Threads II - Be A Stiletto - Cross Stitch Pattern

This cross stitch pattern from Dirty Annie's Southern Style features the saying "Better to arrive late than to arrive ugly!"

The model was stitched over 2 threads on 32 Ct. Grandpa's Shop Rag linen from Lapin Loops with Classic Colorworks and Weeks Dye Works floss. Stitch Count: 120x85. Finished size: 7.5" x 5.3"

Note from designer: My husband was pleased as punch when I designed this chart in his honor and mark my words, Your cowboy will be just as tickled when you stitch this up for him!

Model was stitched on 32ct linen. Stitch count is 63 x 63.

Note from designer: Yep I said it! Shed Happens! It's a good think I got good photos of this before my little cat chewed off the bow and ripped up the linen! Funny she picked the Dog one out of all of them sitting there waiting to get photographed. I have included a photo of the little... Read more about Shed Happens - Cross Stitch Pattern

Note from designer: That's right ya'll! Real men have curves! I don't know about you but I prefer my cowboy with a little meat on his bones!

Model was stitched on 32ct Witch Tina linen from Fairy Wool in the Wood. Stitch count is 51 x 60.

Your cowboy will be pleased as punch when you stitch this one up for him!

Model was stitched on 32ct Mudders Milk linen from Lapin Loops using Weeks Dye Works and Classic Colorworks threads. Stitch count is 93 x 96.

I've got a Good Heart.....but this Mouth!

Model was stitched on 32ct "Oatmeal" linen from Fiber on a Whim using Classic Colorworks, Gentle Arts, and Weeks Dye Works threads. Stitch count is 75 x 112.

This little dill is actually ya really big dill! The chart was conceived of during the wee hours of a cross stitch retreat when my tablemates and I were a bit punch drunk from Stitching for 2 days!

The little beads are included with the chart! (50 of each color plus a few extra)

... Read more about Big Dill - Cross Stitch Pattern

An Erin Elizabeth Design featuring a fruity saying - "You're one in a melon!"

Model stitched on 14 ct. Aida Fabric using DMC thread. Stitch count: 89x89

This cross stitch pattern from Forbidden Fiber Co features the phrase "If you're going to be an open book, be a mystery"!

The model is stitched on 32 count Belfast Linen. Stitch count is 150 x 95. Finished size is 9.4" x 5.9".

His feathers are windswept, but his little hat is still professionally straight. The pigeon lands and hops along your windowsill. He's carrying a bright envelope in his beak- And it's addressed to you! You've got mail!

Model stitched on 16 count Sea Spray by Wichelt with DMC floss. The stitch count is 86 x 107 and the finished size is 5.4" x 6.7".

Cross stitch pattern from Amy Bruecken Designs featuring the phrase "Here we go again. I mean...Good Morning"!

Model stitched on Picture This Plus 28 count Heartland using Weeks Dye Works thread. Stitch count is 80 x 191.

Cross stitch pattern from Artmishka featuring the phrase "I don't need you, I have WIFI"!

Model stitched on 14 or 16 ct Aida on the color of your choice using DMC floss. Stitch count is 71w x 79h. Designed by Anna Gutova.

Cross stitch pattern from Artmishka featuring the phrase "You're the butter to my bread"!

Model stitched on the fabric of your choice using DMC floss. Stitch count is 72W x 61H.

Finished Size:
aida 14 - 14 x 12 cm (5 1/4 x 4 1/2 in)
aida 16 - 12 x 10 cm (4 1/2 x 4 in)

Fall means Halloween and Halloween is a must! This playful sampler blends classic styling with clever, humorous verses, giving traditional Halloween a fresh and fun twist.

The pattern stitched on 32 ct. Lugana with DMC and Gentle Arts floss. The stitch count is 140 x 138 with a finished size of 8.75" x 8.63".

Resting Froggo Face. This design is beginner friendly, using standard DMC colors. Consider swapping out the celestial elements in the witch hat to DMC etoile or your favorite shiny floss. Finished projects from this design are easily finished in standard embroidery hoops or picture frames. Pattern is printed on one sheet, in full color, front & back.

Stitch count is 50w x 61h.

Relieve your stress by screaming like this bird! The bird is fashioned after a magpie, using standard DMC floss and easy to finish in a 5x7 frame if stitched on 18 count. The printed pattern is in full color, with colored blocks and symbols.

Stitch count is 76w x 116h.

Cross stitch pattern from Frony Ritter Designs featuring a mermaid holding a garland with the words "Seas and Greetings".

Pattern is stitched on 16 ct. Pistachio aida using DMC, Weeks Dye Works, and Rainbow Gallery threads. The stitch count is 97 x 97 and the finished size is 6.06" x 6.06". Also recommended is the Mill Hill charm 12172.

"Lettuce turnip the beet peas" Model stitched on either 32 Ct. White Belfast or 32 Ct. Chalkboard Black (DMC 08 not used on Chalkboard Black) using DMC floss. Stitch Count 80x80. Design Size: 5" x 5".

This piece is for all of my fellow knitters out there! Again, truer words were never spoken and I've been known to be haunted by a few skeins of yarn that got away! You can omit the ghosts if you'd prefer to have a finished piece that is less seasonal.

Stitched on 38 count Druid... Read more about Yarn You Didn't Buy - Cross Stitch Pattern

Just a little cute saying - unfortunately that flower truly doesn't grow in everyone's garden.

Pattern is stitched on 14 ct Aida using DMC threads. Stitch count is 60w x 62h.

My little dog barks at EVERYTHING! Maybe you know someone with one like that - or do you have one too.

Pattern is stitched on 14 ct Aida using DMC threads. Stitch count is 92w x 107h.

Boy, is this a true statement.... and my body definitely isn't pleased, though I'm thankful for every day!

Pattern is stitched on 14 ct Aida using DMC threads. Stitch count is 83 x 93.

Well, this saying is true - for most anyone - but especially for "old people". (I can say that - I'm an old people.) Cute saying for yourself or a friend.

Pattern is stitched on 14 ct Aida using DMC threads. Stitch count is 95w x 81h.

What DO you call a person who's happy on Monday - well, retired seems a fitting term.

Pattern is stitched on 14 count White Aida using DMC or Anchor threads. Stitch count is 91 x 91.Anchor thread:ANC0229 is also needed. We do not carry.

Probably everyone who has multiple animals does this - I know I surely do. And, I ask the dog where the cats are.

Pattern is stitched on 14 ct Aida using DMC threads. Stitch count is 105w x 74h.

Well, I only have one dog - but I do ask him where the cats are. Most anyone with multiple animals is 'guilty' of this.

Pattern is stitched on 14 ct Aida using DMC threads. Stitch count is 105w x 71h.

Well, yeah I did - it just crept up on me. Maybe you're the same way - or know someone who is. Doesn't hurt to add a bit of humor!!

Pattern is stitched on 14 ct Aida using DMC threads. Stitch count is 84w x 90h.

Yup, happened at my house. And there was apparently a whole army of dust bunnies.

Pattern is stitched on 14 ct Aida using DMC threads. Stitch count is 96w x 91h.

"You only need 2 tools in life...WD-40 and duct tape!! If it doesn't move and it should...use WD-40. If it moves and it shouldn't...use duct tape!" Well yeah, both of those work pretty good. I keep them handy all the time.

Pattern is stitched on 14 count White Aida using DMC threads. Stitch count is 128 x 90.

Well, I don't know about you, but if you're old, you were probably young and stupid at one time - I sure was. But.... now I'm wise! "The reason I'm old and wise is that God protected me when I was young and stupid"!

Pattern is stitched on the fabric of your choice using DMC threads. Stitch count is 89 x 89.

This probably fits most of us... but when we get there, well, maybe being a kid isn't such a bad thing after all.

Pattern is stitched on 14 ct Aida using DMC threads. Stitch count is 95w x 91h.

I must admit, I have to remind myself of that pretty often - because, without a plan, I'm sorta stuck. "Note to self, do not sit on the floor without a plan on how to get up"!

Pattern is stitched on the fabric of your choice using DMC threads. Stitch count is 98 x 115.

Well this describes me perfectly. It can almost be looking at me and I still can't find it. "When I find it, I don't need it. When I need it, I can't find it. Good grief"!

Pattern is stitched on the fabric of your choice using DMC threads. Stitch count is 90 x 91.

Well, this one about says it all - getting old definitely AIN'T for Sissies! "Getting old ain't for sissies. It takes strength, courage and tenacity...and that's just to get dressed in the morning"!

Pattern is stitched on White Aida using DMC or Anchor threads. Stitch count is 143 x 133

"Or course I talk to myself when I stitch. Sometimes I need expert advice"! Absolutely - frequently need expert advice - and where better to get it from than - ME.

Pattern is stitched on the fabric of your choice using DMC threads. Stitch count is 101 x 105.

Oh yeah. I can attest to the fact that as I get older I can't do all the stuff I used to do or want to do - at least that's true with me. VERY annoying. "I have reached an age where my mind says I can do that! But my body says try it and you'll be sorry"!

Pattern is stitched on the fabric of your choice using DMC threads. Stitch count is 94 x 89.

At my age, it's sooo easy to 'wonder' where I've put things. Someday to be found, but not necessarily when I'm looking for them. "I've finally reached the wonder years. Wonder where I parked the car. Wonder where I left the phone. Wonder where my glasses are."

Pattern is stitched on 14 count White Aida using Dmc threads. Stitch count is 103 x 116.

Oh yeah! I used to be the energizer bunny - but NOW - I love my naps. "You know you've grown up when a nap is no longer a punishment but a reward"!

Pattern is stitched on the fabric of your choice using DMC threads. Stitch count is 125 x 105.

And, the older I get, the less I get done in a day. "Some days it takes me all day to get nothing done"! Pattern is stitched on 14 ct Aida using DMC threads. Stitch count is 102 x 79.

Well, that would be me for sure!

Pattern is stitched on 14 ct Aida using DMC threads. Stitch count is 107w x 92h.

Pretty much says it all -

Pattern is stitched on 14 ct Aida using DMC threads. Stitch count is 93w x 94h.

Witty, relatable, and just a little too real, this clever design perfectly captures the inner panic we all feel before hitting "send." With hand-drawn style lettering and expressive details, it blends humor and honesty into a piece that's guaranteed to get laughs and knowing nods. A fun... Read more about Friendly Advice - Cross Stitch Pattern

Cross stitch pattern from Val's Stuff featuring a frog, cup of coffee, and the pun "catfeinated".

Stitched on 27 Count Vintage Country Mocha Linda. Stitch Count: 53w x 80h Finished size is 3.93 in wide X 5.93 in high

A humorous winter-themed design featuring a playful driving quote and whimsical stitched artwork. Perfect for adding a lighthearted touch to your seasonal stitching collection or gifting to someone who dreams of warmer weather.

Pattern is stitched on 14ct White Aida using DMC floss. Stitch count is 98w x 138h. Finished size is 7" x 9.9".