Funny Cross Stitch Patterns

Senility Prayer - Christian Cross Stitch Pattern
by Joan Elliott
$1399
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Pattern by Joan Elliot featuring the prayer "God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway. The good fortune to run into the ones I do. And the eyesight to know the difference".

Stitched on 14 count Aida using DMC floss. Stitch count: 101W x 129H and the finished size is 7" x 9".
Antidepressants - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Twin Peak Primitives
$7.00  $629
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The model stitched on 32 ct Grey from Weeks Dye Works. Stitch count is 46w X 75h. Finished size is 2.88" x 4.69".
Straighten Your Crown - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Little Robin Designs
$8.00  $719
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This pattern from Little Robin Designs says "Keep your head high and your crown straight!"

Pattern is stitched on 40 count linen, using Weeks Dye Works thread. Stitch count is 144 x 65.
Yellow Polka Dot Bikweenie - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Plum Street Samplers
$10.00  $899
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Model stitched on 36 Ct. Vintage Homespun using Weeks Dye Works, DMC floss, and Classic Colorworks. Stitch count is 239W x 62H. Finished size is 13.28 in wide X 3.44 in high.
Flying Lesson - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Silver Creek Samplers
$13.00  $1169
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Model stitched on 18 ct. Aida "Hazelwood" by Fiber on a Whim using DMC thread. Stitch count is 78 x 125.
Choose Your Own Motto Sampler - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Heartstring Samplery
$12.00  $1079
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"All I'm saying is that you've never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time."

Model stitched one over two on 40 Ct. Cocoa using Weeks Dye Works, Gentle Art Sampler Threads, and Classic Colorworks. Stitch Count: 205W x 171H. Finished Size: 11" x 9"
My Funny Valentine - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Heartstring Samplery
$10.00  $899
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"My funny Valentine, sweet comic Valentine, you make me smile with my heart. Stay little Valentine stay."

Model stitched on 36 Ct. Sand Linen by Picture This Plus with Gentle Art Sampler threads. Stitch Count: 125x333. Finished Size: 7" x 19"
Busy Gnome - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Les Petites Croix De Lucie
$13.80  $1242
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Cross stitch pattern from Les Petites Croix De Lucie featuring a gnome who is very busy in the bathroom!

Pattern is stitched on 14 ct White Aida using DMC threads. Stitch count is 90 x 81.
Old People - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Iris Originals
$6.50  $617
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Don't Make Old People Mad - we don't like being old in the first place so it doesn't take much to piss us off! And yes, I can say this because I am old!!

Pattern is stitched on 14 ct Aida using DMC threads. Stitch count is 70w x 87h.
Cross Stitching Forever - Cross Stitch Pattern
by New York Dreamer
$12.00  $1079
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This design from New York Dreamer says "Cross Stitching Forever, Housework Whenever!"

The model was stitched over 2 threads on 32 Ct. Milk & Honey by Fiber on a Whim with Weeks Dye Works, Classic Colourworks, Gentle Art Sampler threads and DMC floss. Stitch Count: 140x140. NOTE: design is shown on a custom bobbin frame which is not included.
Mantis Life - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Ink Circles
$8.00  $719
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Mantises and irises are popping up everywhere this spring, and this female is living her best life. Size is 92w by 64h and is stitched with Classic Colorworks cotton floss in Rainy Day, Pickled Beets, Honeycomb, and four shades of DMC. Fabric shown is 32 count Weeks Dye Works Light Khaki. Love,... Read more
Warped Humor - Cross Stitch Pattern
by My Big Toe Designs
$799
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"I have a warped sense of humor and I'm not afraid to use it." Model stitched over 2 threads on 32 Ct. Antique White Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works floss. Stitch Count: 95W x 63H.
Welcome to the Nuthouse - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Waxing Moon Designs
$10.00  $899
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A cute little squirrel welcomes you to "the Nuthouse!" Model was stitched on 28 Ct. Riviera Country French Linen from Wichelt using DMC and Gentle Art Sampler threads. Stitch Count: 71H x 91W. Design Size: 6" x 7".

Also needed but not listed is a Mill Hill Acorn button #86166.
Housework Never Killed Anyone - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Lizzie Kate
$6.00  $485 to $539
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Model stitched on 32ct. lambswool linen using Weeks Dye Works and Gentle Arts Sampler Threads. Stitch count: 109w x 45h.
Don't Get Your Tinsel In A Tangle - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Lizzie Kate
$6.00  $539
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Model stitched over two threads on 28 count Mushroom Lugana with Weeks Dye Works and Gentle Arts Sampler Threads. Comes with 3 small red buttons. The stitch count is 70W x 70H.
Wine a Bit - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Lizzie Kate
$5.00  $449
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"Wine a bit... you'll feel better!" Model stitched over 2 on 30 count Natural Northern Cross Linen with Weeks Dye Works, Crescent Colours, And Gentle Arts Sampler Threads. Stitch count: 32W x 62H.
It Takes A Village - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Imaginating
$9.00  $809
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Parenting humor at its best, because where is that village when you need it? A lighthearted stitch for anyone who's ever felt outnumbered by a toddler!

Stitched on 14ct. White Aida using DMC Floss. Stitch count: 110w x 130h. Finished size is 7.9" x 9.3".
Coffee Drinker's Confession - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Heartstring Samplery
$10.00  $899
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"I don't have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without coffee."

Model stitched one thread over two on 40 Ct. Wren using Weeks Dye Works, Gentle Art Sampler Threads, and Classic Colorworks. Stitch Count: 150W x 70H. Finished Size: 8" x 4"
Eyeroll - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Imaginating
$9.00  $809
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We've all had those days, and this stitch captures it perfectly! Featuring a frazzled woman at her desk, clearly done with it all, this pattern is full of relatable charm. With the hilarious phrase, "One of these days I'm going to eyeroll myself into another dimension," it's the... Read more
Santa's Helpers - Christmas Cross Stitch Pattern
by Sue Hillis
$8.00  $719
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Cross stitch pattern from Sue Hillis featuring "Santa's real helpers", aka alcohol!

Stitched on 16/32 Antique white using DMC threads. Stitch count is 67w x 67h. Finished size is 4.8" x 4.8".

Contents: chart only. Please note: no fabric, threads, or hoop included.
If I Fits, I Sits - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Val's Stuff
$10.00  $899
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Cross stitch pattern from Vals Stuff featuring a large cat determined to sit in a small box because "If I fits, I sits"!

Pattern is stitched on 28 ct Demoiselle Lugana using Weeks Dye Works threads. Heart button included. Stitch count is 66h x 57w.

Note: There is no DMC conversion listed for Weeks Dye Works Islamorada.
Ho Ho No - Christmas Cross Stitch Pattern
by Imaginating
$7.00  $629
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Cross stitch pattern from Imaginating featuring a cat regretfully hanging onto a Christmas stocking!

Pattern is stitched on 14 count White using DMC threads. Stitch count is 122w x 76h.
Act My Age - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Iris Originals
$6.50  $617
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Well, this saying is true - for most anyone - but especially for "old people". (I can say that - I'm an old people.) Cute saying for yourself or a friend.

Pattern is stitched on 14 ct Aida using DMC threads. Stitch count is 95w x 81h.
Cleaning Fairy - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Iris Originals
$7.00  $665
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Yup, happened at my house. And there was apparently a whole army of dust bunnies.

Pattern is stitched on 14 ct Aida using DMC threads. Stitch count is 96w x 91h.
Sentence Enhancing - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Dirty Annie
$13.00  $1234
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Some call it Swearing...I call it Sentence Enhancing!

Model was stitched 2 over 2 on 32ct Gray linen from Weeks Dye Works using threads from DMC. Stitch count is 121 x 73.
Good Heart - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Dirty Annie
$13.00  $1234
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I've got a Good Heart.....but this Mouth!

Model was stitched on 32ct "Oatmeal" linen from Fiber on a Whim using Classic Colorworks, Gentle Arts, and Weeks Dye Works threads. Stitch count is 75 x 112.
Tools - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Iris Originals
$7.00  Sale $595
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"You only need 2 tools in life...WD-40 and duct tape!! If it doesn't move and it should...use WD-40. If it moves and it shouldn't...use duct tape!" Well yeah, both of those work pretty good. I keep them handy all the time.

Pattern is stitched on 14 count White Aida using DMC threads. Stitch count is 128 x 90.
This Age - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Iris Originals
$6.50  $617
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Oh yeah. I can attest to the fact that as I get older I can't do all the stuff I used to do or want to do - at least that's true with me. VERY annoying. "I have reached an age where my mind says I can do that! But my body says try it and you'll be sorry"!

Pattern is stitched on the fabric of your choice using DMC threads. Stitch count is 94 x 89.
Stubborn - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Lucy Beam Love in Stitches
$12.00  $1079
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Cross Stitch pattern from Lucy Beam Love in Stitches featuring the phrase "Pray for me. I'm stubborn"!

The model was stitched on 36ct. Tiramisu Opal from Under The Sea, don't carry, using Gentle Art threads. Stitch count is 84 x 78.
Envious - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Lucy Beam Love in Stitches
$12.00  $1079
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Cross Stitch pattern from Lucy Beam Love in Stitches featuring the phrase "Pray for me. I'm envious"!

The model was stitched on 36ct. Tiramisu Opal from Under The Sea using Gentle Art threads. Stitch count is 95 x 92.
Bitter - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Lucy Beam Love in Stitches
$12.00  $1079
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Cross Stitch pattern from Lucy Beam Love in Stitches featuring the phrase "Pray for me. I'm bitter"!

The model was stitched on 36ct. Tiramisu Opal from Under The Sea; we do not carry, using Gentle Art threads listed. Stitch count is 88 x 96.
Bee Still My Heart - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Heartstring Samplery
$12.00  $1079
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Cross stitch pattern from Heartstring Samplery featuring a stitch mat and a needle book with the theme "Bee still my heart"!

Stitch counts:
- Stitch mat: 143w x 88h
- Needle book: 123w x 68h
I Just Want To Drink, Cross Stitch, and Nap - Cross Stitch
by Cross Stitch Wonders
$7.00  Sale $595
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Cross stitch pattern from Cross Stitch Wonders featuring a great saying for any crocheting enthusiast! I Just Want To Drink Cocktails / Coffee / Beer / Wine / Tea ....Cross Stitch and Take Naps! Included in chart are five beverages and also five color combinations for you to choose from. Licensed... Read more
Marriage - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Dirty Annie
$11.00  $1044
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Cross stitch pattern from Dirty Annie's Southern Style featuring a married couple with the phrase "Marriage, when dating goes to far"!

Pattern is stitched on 32 ct Caramel Macchiato from Fiber on a Whim using Classic Colorworks, Gentle Arts, and Weeks Dye Works floss. Stitch count is 87 x 110.
Shed Happens - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Dirty Annie
$9.00  $854
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Note from designer: Yep I said it! Shed Happens! It's a good think I got good photos of this before my little cat chewed off the bow and ripped up the linen! Funny she picked the Dog one out of all of them sitting there waiting to get photographed. I have included a photo of the little... Read more
Fred's Ewenifying Question - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Silver Creek Samplers
$13.00  $1169
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Cross stitch pattern from Silver Creek Samplers featuring an adorable sheep wearing a hand-stitched red sweater with the text "Wool Ewe Be My Neighbor."

Model stitched on "Cornflower" 18-count Aida from Fiber on a Whim using DMC and Weeks Dye Works threads. Stitch count is 67 x 113.
Coffee Definitions Eternity - Cross Stitch Pattern
by AuryTm
$10.00  $899
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Cross stitch pattern from AuryTm featuring a coffee cup with the text "Eternity / Time it takes coffee to brew in the morning"

Model stitched on 28 count Mystic Grey linen using DMC thread. Stitch count is 71 x 101.
All Are Equal in Death - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Modern Folk Embroidery
$10.50  $996
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Cross stitch pattern from Modern Folkart Embroidery featuring a skeleton and the phrase "Are all equal in death".

Stitched over 2 threads on 32 count linen (or over 1 on 16ct Aida) it would measure approximately 8" by 12" (20.5 by 30.5 cm). It has a total of 6368 crosses.... Read more
Be the Flamingo - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Peacock and Fig
$14.00  $1259
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"Be the flamingo in the flock of pigeons." Model stitched on 14 Ct. White aida with DMC floss and Kreinik #4 Braid. Stitch Count: 100x160.
Coffeeology - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Cross Stitch Wonders
$10.00  $949
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Cross stitch pattern from Cross Stitch Wonders featuring COFFEEOLOGY SUBWAY STYLE DESIGN! What a great project for any coffee lover! Cross Stitch Pattern designed by Marcia Manning. Original Art by Funky Frog Creative Designs.

Pattern is stitched on the fabric of your choice using DMC floss. Stitch count is 209w x 269h.
Mr. Beer Gnome - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Cross Stitch Wonders
$8.00  $759
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Cross stitch pattern from Cross Stitch Wonders featuring MR. BEER GNOME that is great whether stitched by itself or along with the funny saying. Marcia Manning designed this from licensed artwork.

Pattern is stitched on the fabric of your choice using DMC floss. Stitch count is 128w x 115h.
Early Bird - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Amy Bruecken Designs
$9.00  $809
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"The early bird can have the worm 'cause worms are gross and mornings are stupid!"

Framed model stitched over two threads on 28 Ct. Moonglow by Picture this Plus, using DMC floss & Classic Colorworks floss. Stitch count 70 x 121.

Pillow model stitched on 20 Ct. Banana... Read more
If You Fall - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Keslyn's
$15.00  $1349
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"You & I are sisters. If you fall, I will always be there to pick you up - after I stop laughing!" Model stitched one over two on 28 Ct. Vintage Cashel using French Blue Dark Silk N Colors. Stitch Count: 216H x 119W. Design Size: 15.42" x 8.50"
Wouldn't Life Be Great - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Lizzie Kate
$9.00  $809
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"Wouldn't life be great if sweatpants were sexy, Mondays were fun, junk food was good for you, girls didn't cause so much drama, guys weren't so confusing, and saying goodbye only meant until tomorrow". Model stitched on 32 count Lambswool linen with Crescent Colours thread, Weeks Dye Works thread and DMC floss. Stitch count is 221W x 72H.
Our Family Tree - Cross Stitch Pattern
by My Big Toe Designs
$799
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"Our family tree has deep roots and lots of nuts." Model was stitched on 32 Ct. Lambswool Jobelan from Wichelt using Weeks Dye Works threads. Stitch count: 85W x 53H.
More Than Coffee - Cross Stitch Pattern
by My Big Toe Designs
$9.99  Sale $799
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"I love you more than coffee, just not always before coffee." Model stitched over 2 threads on 28 Ct. Country French Latte linen with Weeks Dye Works floss. Stitch Count: 126W x 98H.
Nothing to Fear - Cross Stitch Pattern
by My Big Toe Designs
$799
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"There's nothing to fear but fear itself..and spiders!" Model stitched over 2 threads on 28 Ct. Queen Anne's Lace Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works floss. Stitch Count: 68W x 68H. Shown with a button from Just Another Button Company
Marriage - Cross Stitch Pattern
by My Big Toe Designs
$799
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"Marriage lets you annoy one special person every day for the rest of your life." Model stitched over 2 threads on 28 Ct. Queen Anne's Lace Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works floss. Stitch Count: 99W x 99H.


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